Tori's Struggle with Drug Addiction (Part 2)

So let’s pick up with Tori where she left off.

When he came in the room that day I knew that something was up. He asked how I was doing and about my day but soon told me the truth about why he requested I come in. Dr. Dewey told me about patients he had that had gotten habituated to pain medication and he had been concerned about my use of the meds he had been prescribing. He didn’t accuse me of anything but instead asked me if I thought I might have a problem. My heart fell to my toes. He said it was brought to his attention by my husband that I was getting other prescription drugs from other sources. This was shocking because I thought my husband had no idea. Being carless and not hiding the pills, my husband had found my stash. He had known for about a month and had not said a word. He had kept track of how many pills I had taken each day. He had researched all of the different kind of pills I had. At first I denied there was a problem and felt I had to keep this secret. The doctor accepted my “story” and kept reassuring me his only purpose for having me come in was to find out how I was really doing. He shared other stories about how people have gotten confused about pain from disease and pain form addiction. He was worried I might be heading down a bad path. He stated several times that if I did find myself in a bad situation I could always call on him. At no time did I feel judged our threatened.

(I will make an important point) It is critical that a person who realized they have an addiction problem have someone they can trust and that they feel is totally on their side. Someone they can completely trust. We can never force an addict to heal. Patient concern, yes even love, is the crucial component to help someone feel they can change. I needed to wait until Tori was ready to admit she had a problem and asked for my help. It was insightful and loving of her husband to not confront Tori.

My husband knew if he was the one to approach me it probably would not go over too well. Desperate for help he contacted Dr. Dewey. My husband knowing how much respect I had for him he knew he would be a good person to turn to. Dr. Dewey told him not to say anything to me, asking that he be the one to talk to me first. Not once during the talk with Dewey did I feel judged. Dr. Dewey wanted to do everything he could to help me with my addiction. But he said the desire of wanting to stop had to come from me. Knowing my husband knew about everything was a huge burden lifted as crazy as that sounds. Instead of my husband being hateful & bitter he was understanding and loving. Which if the tables were turned I don’t know if I could be that same way.

(I’d like to stop the narrative here and we’ll pick up next week.)

Good For Nothing Rambler

ATTENTION Facebook Friends and Bloggers!!!

Those of you participating in our Facebook Contest to win a 32” TV…Come up with a clever title for this song to help you move ahead in the Contest! Comment your clever title on Facebook, and be awarded bonus points to win!

It was about 7 months ago now my son in law and I were out playing some golf. He is a big man and extremely powerful. With just an easy swing on his drive he can easily hit the ball 300 yds. At any rate, he is also unusually talented musically. He has a beautiful voice with range from tenor to base. He hears harmony as natural as honey. He has picked up the baritone saxophone and plays beautifully.
Because of this natural talent I asked him, as we were driving along in the golf cart, "Have you ever written a song?" He replied no. Some 30 minutes later, after playing the 7th and 8th holes, he asked me if I had written a song.
It took only a second to remember a song I had written at the request of my fourth grade guitar teacher. It was only 4 measures long and as you would expect, elementary. Alex asked if I remembered the words and tune. Sure I did and I took the 20 seconds it takes to sing my song and did so. He was courteous as a son in law should be and thought it all right. He had me sing it two or three times over the next hour.
Little did I know what he was hatching in his mind. As soon as he was able, he sang the tune and words into his phone and over the next 4 months composed more music and words to make it a real full-fledged musical piece. He has some talented friends who helped him with the other parts and the arrangements. Another friend has a recording studio and they put this song together. Alex sings the melody and all the harmony. Hope you like it as much as I did and I think you'll agree he has talent.
Thanks for listening. Steven Dewey

 

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It's not too late!!!!!!!!!! You can still participate in our Facebook/Blog Contest and win a 32" Flat Screen TV! We will draw our winner on April 1, 2013. (Yes, we know it's April Fools Day, but it is NO prank.) We are posting questions each Friday, save all your answers and we will have you turn them all in the end of March. Good Luck! :)

 

Southwestern OBGYN Office Staff

Southwestern OB/GYN Office Staff

L-R Back Row: Melanie, Lisa, Ellen, Debbie

L-R Front Row: Erica, Dr. Dewey

Tori's Struggle with Drug Addiction

We are so excited to post our first Patient Story! We hope you enjoy this true story and many more to come!

 

This is a story I encouraged Tori to write and share.  I will relate it in segments and make comments interjected as we go.  So here is the beginning of Tori’s story about prescription drug abuse.

When I found out that Dr. Dewey was doing a blog to connect more with his patients I thought that this would be a great opportunity for me to tell my story. I first saw Dr. Dewey around the age of 17. I was having really bad periods. I always missed at least one to two days of school because of my cramping. Dr. Dewey ran many tests on me which came back fine. He recommended that I get a laparoscopy (scope) so that he would be able to see things which could not be seen with the other tests.

 It was discovered that I had stage three endometriosis. Long story short, the years following the diagnosis, I had multiple surgeries and many fertility treatments. During that time Dr. Dewey never gave up on me. Before the age of thirty I was able to have three beautiful kids. Because of the severity of my endometriosis, at age thirty, I elected to have a full hysterectomy. Because of my many surgeries, recovery always resulted in pain pills.

 For years I balanced everything fine. But with the stress of raising three kids and figuring out hormone therapy, I found myself very stressed out and hormonal. My husband was very busy with two jobs and a very demanding church calling which meant more time at home with the kids. Taking the pills was great at first because it took away all my feeling of stress, pain, sadness, and depression. About a year after my hysterectomy I noticed I was having some joint pain, so I made an appointment with a Rheumatologist. He told me the reason I was having joint pain was because my body, without ovaries, no longer produced the necessary nutrients needed for healthy bones. Even with hormone replacement I still had problems. He recommended doing three Lortab 5s morning, noon, and night. Even though I knew that ibuprofen would help 95% of the time, having a Dr. tell me I should take that much just gave me another excuse to use pain pills.

 It wasn’t long before I started abusing more than pain pills. I also took Xanax, and Ambien. I soon found out that I could get different drugs from different Drs..  I thought I could beat the system; which for a few years I did. During this time many if not all of my relationships were being affected. I felt like all I did was yell at my kids, and fight with my husband. The smallest things would set me off. My friends and family (including my husband) had no idea the amount of pills I took each day. At this point there was no high; it was just about getting through the day. I had to take pills to even get ready for the day. It got to the point that I had to keep upping the amount I was taking to get the same effect.

(At this point I would like to interrupt and make a few comments.)  This is not an uncommon story and many women and men face similar challenges.  I see 2 or 3 patients every day who are battleing this problem.  Historically speaking, our physical lives have become less challenging but our psycho/social lives are becoming more and more stressful.  In communities where alcohol is more acceptable many combat these issues using alcohol.  Let me stress, Tori is a very typical “Mormon” mom from a very “routine” Mormon family. She is somewhat unique in that she accepted she had a problem fairly early in the course of events. Being willing to accept one has a problem is the first key. That is true of any of our negative character traits, we must be willing to see ourselves for who we really are. That is very difficult and most people can’t do it until tragedy strikes.

Now back to Tori’s story.

I had a friend that went to a pain clinic where she was prescribed heavy narcotics such as oxycodone, soma (which is a very strong muscle relaxer), and morphine. She knew that I took Xanax. She mentioned that she would trade me pain pills for my Xanax. With Xanax not being my drug of choice, getting more pain pills sounded like a good idea. And that is when I went downhill fast. Making sure I always had enough pills was a full time job. All I thought about was my pills. I knew that I was just a shell of the person I once was. But I was trapped. Even if I wanted to get off of them, I thought I was in too deep. Within three hours of taking a pill I would start going through withdrawals.

 My husband still did not know. I was such a strong person that I was embarrassed that I wasn’t strong enough to overcome this. At this point I wasn’t being careful about hiding the pills, or erasing texts between my friend and me. Without a doubt a part of me was hoping and wanting it all to stop. My five year old loves playing with my phone and takes photos of everything. I’ll never forget the day I was going through some of the photos on my phone and I came across a few photos of me sitting on my bed. I looked totally out of it. I looked like I had aged about ten years. I thought who the hell is that? I could not believe what the drug use had also done to my outer appearance.

 About a week after this experience I got what I thought was a random phone call from Dr. Dewey. He said he had not heard from me in a while and wanted to know how I was doing. It was only later I found out my husband had been talking to him. It didn’t seem too strange since I have known him for so many years so I called and made an appointment for the following day. I was ready to tell him I was doing great and he had nothing to worry about. With him knowing all the hardships I had been through with the endometriosis and infertility he had always been so proud of the way I handled it, I did not want him to be disappointed in me.

(I’ll interject here) Tori’s husband was anxious to solve this problem. I had also heard from her father about the same issues.  All wanted this to come to a head and fixed “now”.  As my life has not been without challenges I have come to believe that things like this cannot be forced.  No one was going to push Tori to change.  What I believe she needed was a listening ear and a friend.  No judgements or condemnation.  This is such a critical aspect of dealing with someone who is in an addictive situation.  I cannot stress enough the importance of staying objective, or finding someone who can stay objective, and just listening and understanding.  Patience is imperative!  Allowing these things to unfold at the individuals pace can be hard and sometimes dangerous as damage can occur but it is necessary to let the person process and come to understand they need help.  That is where the real strength is shown.  Tori stated she was a strong person and felt she could do this herself but it takes more strength to allow someone in as an ally for healing.

When he came in the room that day I knew that something was up. He asked how I was doing and about my day but soon told me the truth about why he requested I come in. Dr. Dewey told me about patients he had that had gotten habituated to pain medication and he had been concerned about my use of the meds he had been prescribing. He didn’t accuse me of anything but instead asked me if I thought I might have a problem. My heart fell to my toes. He said it was brought to his attention by my husband that I was getting other prescription drugs from other sources. This was shocking because I thought my husband had no idea. Being carless and not hiding the pills, my husband had found my stash. He had known for about a month and had not said a word. He had kept track of how many pills I had taken each day. He had researched all of the different kind of pills I had. At first I denied there was a problem and felt I had to keep this secret. The doctor accepted my“story” and kept reassuring me his only purpose for having me come in was to find out how I was really doing. He shared other stories about how people have gotten confused about pain from disease and pain form addiction. He was worried I might be heading down a bad path. He stated several times that if I did find myself in a bad situation I could always call on him. At no time did I feel judged our threatened.

(I will make an important point) It is critical that a person who realized they have an addiction problem have someone they can trust and that they feel is totally on their side. Someone they can completely trust. We can never force an addict to heal. Patient concern, yes even love, is the crucial component to help someone feel they can change. I needed to wait until Tori was ready to admit she had a problem and asked for my help. It was insightful and loving of her husband to not confront Tori.

My husband knew if he was the one to approach me it probably would not go over too well. Desperate for help he contacted Dr. Dewey. My husband knowing how much respect I had for him he knew he would be a good person to turn to. Dr. Dewey told him not to say anything to me, asking that he be the one to talk to me first. Not once during the talk with Dewey did I feel judged. Dr. Dewey wanted to do everything he could to help me with my addiction. But he said the desire of wanting to stop had to come from me. Knowing my husband knew about everything was a huge burden lifted as crazy as that sounds. Instead of my husband being hateful & bitter he was understanding and loving. Which if the tables were turned I don’t know if I could be that same way.

The day I saw Dr. Dewey was a Friday. I had taken pills that morning about 9am. My appointment was at 11am. So by the time I got home I was already feeling sick. On my way home I had so many emotions going through me. I was scared to death to go through detox but I was done taking pills. I knew as soon as I got home I had to flush all the pills I had, because I knew when it got bad and when I got super sick I needed to have no options but go through the detox. I also contacted my friend that day and told her the gig was up. She was cold to me, but I knew that it was a necessary step.

What I experienced for the next seven days was something that is hard to express in words. By that evening I felt completely weak and very nauseated. By the time it had been 24 hours I just wanted to die. Looking back it was a good thing that I got rid of all my pills, because without a doubt being as sick as I was, I would have taken anything to not feel the way I felt. Although my husband felt like I needed to be in rehab, I knew in my heart that I could do it myself; which was a lot harder than I expected. I can’t tell you the countless prayers that I said during that week. And I know at times that prayer was the only reason I was able to continue.

Dr. Dewey has been a listening ear for me and I see him every couple weeks to check in. The reason for sharing my story is because I want women that are going through my same struggles to know that it is possible to take back control of your life. Never give up hope! The 4-7 days of hell that you’ll go through doesn’t compare to how good you’ll fell knowing you’ve got your life back. It will always be something that I struggle with. It’s been just over two months now, so it’s something I think about every day. I’m no longer in a fog. I can think clearly. I’ve lost weight – about twenty pounds! My relationships will take some time to mend completely, and I’m far from perfect, but I’m grateful I’m where I am at today.

This may sound silly, which people without addiction might not understand, but I still have refills on some of the pain pills. I have chosen to leave it that way because it empowers me to know that I that they are within an arm’s reach but I chose every day for myself that I don’t want them in my life. Choosing to stop on my own is so much better than someone else choosing for me. – Tori, age 34

I believe Tori will make it! She is unusual in that she came to a self-realization early and was able to sop “cold turkey”. We often will taper someone and use other meds to damper the effect so the withdrawal but her method worked for her.

She emphasized an important point I alluded to earlier; most people can’t be forced to change their behavior. The change has to come from inside. Locking someone away from the problem only solves the problem temporarily and superficially. Tori felt empowered to change her life and having a prescription around added to that source of empowerment, but I wouldn’t recommend it for most. Stay as far away from it as possible, it’s not a good idea for an alcoholic to spend a lot of time in a bar.

Is Tori at risk to start using again? I believe she is and I’ve talked to her carefully about his. The physical and psychological aspects of her life have not completely changed. She will still have a high level of risk because of these needs to justify, and return to her drug use. Her awareness of this will help.

How do all of you see this? Any comments or questions?

True Stories (Coming Soon!)

Hello and welcome all of you interested in our blog.  Over the next weeks I will post several "stories" written by our patients pertaining to issues they have recently dealt with or are dealing with on an ongoing basis.  These issues are about problems both medical, hormonal and psycho-social that many women have to deal with.  I am in hopes it will allow some connection with many of you who might be facing similar problems.  These will be stories told by our patients but most if not all will be anonymous.  I will interject comments of my own, not as definitive answers, but to stimulate ideas that might allow some to look at these issues from a different perspective.  Hopefully it will be therapeutic to those who are writing their stories and to those of you who may find your selves in similar circumstances. Thus far I have arranged for the following topics to be presented;

1)  Prescription drug abuse by a married mother of 3.
2)  A 42 y.o. breast cancer survivor of 10 years who is still dealing with depression and intimacy issues.
3)  A thirty two y.o. mother of 3 who feels life is passing her by.  She wants more and has seriously considered seeking an outside relationship.
4)  Depression and lack of interest in sex in a 31 y.o. mother of 2 now in her second marriage.
5)  Frustration at her inability to control her emotions, especially anger toward her children and spouse. She has been happily married for 20 + years, and is in her early 40's.
6)  Problems, both physical and psychological, in a 24 y.o. woman who has been trying to get pregnant for the past 6 years.
7)  A 39 y.o. who had a one year affair with her high school boyfriend that ended when she realized she would likely lose her children.
8)  The decision to have another baby at the age of 38 despite carrying the diagnosis of a "high level" precancerous lesion of her cervix.

I expect there will be more and that these stories will unfold over the next months with much thought and some discussion.  I will attach alternate names and change the stories some to allow the writers complete anonymity.  Hope some of you will find this interesting.  SD

Potatoes Poem By: Steven Dewey

Here is the poem I referenced on Facebook.  Hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it.  

POTATOES

A poem by Steven Dewey

Dad said I was crazy, “you can’t make money on spuds.

you’ll have all of this machinery and be left with nothin but duds.

Ask the boys in Idaho, they can’t make a dime,

you’ll never come out on top when you figure in your time.”

But dad, “it’s not the money I’m after, afraid that’s not the case,

for I’ve finally understood it’s not the dollar we should race.

The value that I seek is found within the ground,

it’s not gold nor silver neither, it’s measured by the pound.

God has given us all, sufficient for our need.

The fault lies not with God, but falls upon our greed.

I realize now completely, how misled I have been,

it’s the seed that is important, the seed that lies within.

Buried deep in each of us is a knowledge hard to find,

of what really is important and the rest be left behind.

True value lies within, and the service we provide,

can sometimes be expressed thru roughening the hide.

Doing what it takes to grow a set of ‘taters’, using His gifts as given,

is really all that ‘maters’.

As I look around at all the huff and puff,

I see so very clearly it’s not about the stuff.

The boys who grow in Idaho, I expect have got it right,

the spuds they sew in that long row give this life it’s true light!

Facebook/Blogger Contest Outline 2013

Bloggers,

We are so excited to finally get our BLOG up and running! To get 2013 started we are happy to announce our Facebook/Blogger Contest! This game will consist of many questions related to songs, poetry and pictures found both on the facebook page and our blog. Each week, new items will be posted, some just for fun and some that will have deep meaning for a few. Questions will follow at the end of each week pertaining to the postings on the facebook page and blog. The questions will only appear on the facebook page and only our patients will be eligible to play the game. There will be three "games" per year, thus each will last 4 months. For each new game there will be a gift for the winner. The first prize will be a 32 inch FLAT SCREEN TV! You can see it in our office where it will be displayed until the winner is selected! Keep track of all the answers to the questions through out the 4 months. At the end, if you have all the right answers and are drawn, you will win! Each contest will be just a little different. One aspect of the current contest will include a song that my son in law wrote me for Christmas. We will ask you to name the song and if your suggestion is chosen and you have all of the answers you win.

Check out our Facebook page! Click Here!