The day I saw Dr. Dewey was a
Friday. I had taken pills that morning about 9am. My appointment was at 11am.
So by the time I got home I was already feeling sick. On my way home I had so
many emotions going through me. I was scared to death to go through detox but I
was done taking pills. I knew as soon as I got home I had to flush all the
pills I had, because I knew when it got bad and when I got super sick I needed
to have no options but go through the detox. I also contacted my friend that
day and told her the gig was up. She was cold to me, but I knew that it was a
necessary step.
What I experienced for the next
seven days was something that is hard to express in words. By that evening I
felt completely weak and very nauseated. By the time it had been 24 hours I
just wanted to die. Looking back it was a good thing that I got rid of all my
pills, because without a doubt being as sick as I was, I would have taken
anything to not feel the way I felt. Although my husband felt like I needed to
be in rehab, I knew in my heart that I could do it myself; which was a lot
harder than I expected. I can’t tell you the countless prayers that I said
during that week. And I know at times that prayer was the only reason I was
able to continue.
Dr. Dewey has been a listening ear
for me and I see him every couple weeks to check in. The reason for sharing my
story is because I want women that are going through my same struggles to know
that it is possible to take back control of your life. Never give up hope! The 4-7
days of hell that you’ll go through doesn’t compare to how good you’ll fell
knowing you’ve got your life back. It will always be something that I struggle
with. It’s been just over two months now, so it’s something I think about every
day. I’m no longer in a fog. I can think clearly. I’ve lost weight – about
twenty pounds! My relationships will take some time to mend completely, and I’m
far from perfect, but I’m grateful I’m where I am at today.
This may sound silly, which people
without addiction might not understand, but I still have refills on some of the
pain pills. I have chosen to leave it that way because it empowers me to know
that I that they are within an arm’s reach but I chose every day for myself
that I don’t want them in my life. Choosing to stop on my own is so much better
than someone else choosing for me. – Tori, age 34
I believe Tori will make it! She
is unusual in that she came to a self-realization early and was able to sop “cold
turkey”. We often will taper someone and use other meds to damper the effect so
the withdrawal but her method worked for her.
She emphasized an important point I alluded to earlier; most
people can’t be forced to change their behavior. The change has to come from
inside. Locking someone away from the problem only solves the problem
temporarily and superficially. Tori felt empowered to change her life and
having a prescription around added to that source of empowerment, but I wouldn’t
recommend it for most. Stay as far away from it as possible, it’s not a good
idea for an alcoholic to spend a lot of time in a bar.
Is
Tori at risk to start using again? I believe she is and I’ve talked to her carefully
about his. The physical and psychological aspects of her life have not
completely changed. She will still have a high level of risk because of these
needs to justify, and return to her drug use. Her awareness of this will help.
How do all of you see this? Any comments or questions?
No comments:
Post a Comment